I wish my secondary school experience was amazing. Because I got mocked for being the “religious” one. I wish I stood up for myself and not been a coward. I wish I was popular/pretty. I wish I was just as strong. I wish I wasn’t a loner. I tried so hard to be a nerd. Because it really affects me now how I got treated. You may have not realised if you’re reading this and you were in my class. But you did have an impact in my life. I was always the quiet kid. And my colleagues used to call me “silent but deadly. ” What was deadly about me? I mean I was so nice to them. They made me hate myself. Although I loved my class. Laughing at me for being the “weird”, “religious” one only made me hate myself even more. And I wish I stood up for myself. I wish I just killed myself there and then. But I remembered God was always with me. My soul begging for me to keep strong. I hated some of my teachers. They didn’t give a shit or help. I would revise so hard and just fail. But I kept trying and blocked out the thoughts.
I had one girl who came to my school and bullied me, who told everyone about me and what I done. “Amina muridi, I didn’t know you were like that.”, “oh Amina, I didn’t expect that from you.” The expectations and the accusations and the whisperings. And this girl thought I ruined her reputation. What a bitch. I hated her but I still spoke to her, and was nice to her, and made her my friend despite her being a bully. I just didn’t want her spreading any more rumours about me.
There was another girl, that I hated. Because she was a show off I forced myself to like her although she was a bitch to me. I was slowly corrupted by them. I hated to be religious and I thought I was only practising for show or liked to be close to God because He was my only friend.
Oh yeah, I had a best friend too, well it was 3 but at the end two left, so I was left with 1. They kinda ruined my life. One thing happened and I was caught socialising with them coz I sneaked out the house. And one of their dad phoned my parents and had a go at them for not looking after me properly. My parents told me that friends will eventually leave you, and that they don’t care about you. I learned the hard way about “friends”. I’m okay with them now, I forgive them. There is not awkwardness between us.
I just hated my secondary school experience. Because it reminds me of the girl who is bullied in the movies, the girl who is awkward, the girl who is clumsy, the girl who is stupid and people just make a mockery out of her and just use her as a fucking laughing stock. But that girl, is only nice to everyone just so she could fucking please them.